I read several comments recently that compared the Langoliers to Ed Wood's now famously bad movie Plan 9 from Out Space. "No!" I thought at once. "This wasn't nearly as wonderful as Plan 9!" Of course, Plan 9 sinks so low it can be nothing but enjoyable.
.Just for fun. . . let's do a quick review of Plan 9 and then see if the Langoliers rises to the occasion.
.Here's my notes from Plan 9,
.This is the funniest film I’ve seen!
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My favorite channel, TCM (Turner Classic Movies) gave this introduction to Plan 9 From Outer Space: "Here at TCM we pride ourselves in bringing you some of the best movies ever made. Coming up next, we will fail. We have the film that has for years been touted as the worst movie of all time. After watching it, you’ll agree."
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Plan 9 From Outer Space is about aliens attempting to make contact with humans. However, the earth leaders have denied their existence and refused to talk. The angry aliens turn to "plan 9" to destroy earth. What is plan 9?
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Plan 9 was made by Ed Wood Jr., who started the movie with his friend Bela Lugosi leaving his home. Lugosi, who was supposed to be the star of the film, died after shooting that opening spot. So what did Ed Wood do? He got his wife’s chiropractor to stand in. Of course, the chiropractor didn’t look anything like Bela Lugosi – but that’s okay, because he holds his cape up over his face to that we will all think it’s Bela Lugosi. But, we can all tell: "Hey, mom, that’s not Bela Lugosi!"
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Now to get financing to this film, Ed Wood made friends with a local Baptist Church. The Church was going to make 12 movies of the Apostles. But they only had money for one film. Wood convinced them that if they made one popular movie, the profits would be so great they would have money to make their other 12 films. So the Baptist put up the money. The movie was originally called, "Grave Robbers From Space" but the Baptist objected. So, it was renamed Plan 9 From Outer Space. Reportedly the Baptist made Ed and crew get Baptized before they put up the money. I’ll withhold any comment.
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The movie also stars Vampira, who would later sue Elvira for stealing her act. Director Ed Wood was voted worst director ever, and Plan 9 was voted wort movie ever. Wood was a transvestite (wore women’s underwear), but often clarified that did not mean he didn’t like women. No sissy, Wood stormed the beach of Normandy! (He claimed he did this wearing a red bra. Good thing he didn’t get shot and rushed to the hospital.)
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Some really great lines:
Policeman standing over dead body, "This is murder, and somebody is responsible." (Uh, yeah! Beats that murder where no one is responsible.)
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Grave digger 1: "Did you hear anything?"
Grave digger 2: "I thought I did. I don’t like hearing noises. Epically when there ain’t supposed to be any."
Grave digger 1: "yeah, kinda spooky like."
Grave digger 2: "Maybe we’re getting old."
Now wait! Getting old doesn’t cause you to hear things... it causes you NOT to hear things!
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Pilots wife: "The saucer is up there, the cemetery is out there, but I’ll be in there."
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Conclusion: "My friends, you have seen this incident based on sworn testimony. Can you prove it didn’t happen? Perhaps on your way home, someone will pas you in the dark, and you will never know it – for they will be from outer space!"
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Mistakes:
1. The police officer in the graveyard keeps scratching his neck and pointing with his gun.
2. When the UFO flies by the airplane, the string can be seen holding the UFO. Guess that’s it umbilical cord to the mother ship.
3. The scenes keep switching between day and night. That’s right, night turns to day and day turns to night. (9:13 , 9:25 , 28:10, 31:494. The inside of the flying saucer is awesome! What does an alien space craft look like? Why, a desk surrounded by black curtains, of course. See, the aliens have learned that walls are really unnecessary.
5. The outside view of the cemetery is different than the inside.
6. The aliens raise the dead... but he can hardly get out of the grave! Seriously, this resurrection stuff is a tough gig.
7. When the police inspect the grave, notice how shallow it is. Guess that six feet under is the stuff of legend.
8. Colonel Edwards arrives at Jeff and Paula's house with the detective, but he wasn't in the car when it pulled up!
9. Are those tombstones made of cardboard?
10. Ed Wood claimed he used models for the spaceships, but they sure look like hubcaps!
11. The minister at the funeral never says anything, he just stares at his Bible. Maybe it’s his first funeral.
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Now, for the big question: Is the Langoliers this good? Or, more aptly, does it rise to this beautiful level of badness? The comments are open, so feel free to share your deep thoughts on this subject.
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My opinion: Does Langoliers compare with Plan 9? -- Sadly, it does not. It's just not bad enough to fall in line with Plan 9, because if it was that bad, it would be wonderful!
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