The Stand: Hate Mail To A Stephen King Fan

Episode 7: The Walk

There’s a lot of complaining here.  I wouldn’t read it if I were you.  But I feel better.

Know what CBS’ The Stand is like?  It’s like getting hate mail for being a Stephen King fan.  How dare any of us like the novel and think things should slightly resemble the book.  Every aspect must be changed, every character, every scene.  It's like being told, "Hey, you can't like that.  We'll fix it for you, make it politically correct, and then you can like our new retelling." 

At the beginning of the uncut version of The Stand, King gave the example of Hansel and Gretel, suggesting it could be retold but too many cuts hurts the story.  That's what CBS has done; made not just cuts, but so many deep changes and bad decisions that at some point they stopped telling the story of The Stand and started on a brand-new clunky soap opera.

What’s with calling Mother Abigail “Mother A” ?  Rally, it’s illogical for the role she plays.  Mother Abigail is supposed to be a revered spiritual leader.  You call your buddy “Mother A.”  You call your spiritual leader by a respectable title… Such as “Mother.”  But shortening her name to “A” is disrespectful for the prophetess role she holds in the community.  

Trashcan Man.  I like this rendition a lot because he does seem crazy.  But our new Trashcan Man is so insane (a muttering fool) that it’s hard to believe he could know how to get access to a nuke, pull it from the silo and transport it.  This is a guy who seems like he would have trouble getting a bus ticket.  So in his great wisdom, this is the guy Flagg chose to get him a nuke? !!! 

Speaking of Flagg being a poor leader; what’s up with Las Vegas?  It’s just one endless orgy.  The Flagg that Stephen King gave us ran a tight ship.  We all know the bad guys basically implode, but wow this retelling gives him a big head start in that direction.

This is probably a good place to ask: What’s up with Lloyd?  He’s supposed to be a tough hardened criminal capable of running the underworld.  This Lloyd is just Trashcan Man’s little brother.  He’s like a junior high kid who just doesn’t have it together yet. In fact, all of New Vegas is kind of like junior high.

Turns out: Flagg is not scary enough to be the dark man; he’s not smart enough to choose someone with half a brain to get him a nuke (he’s not even bright enough to find himself a righthand man who’s not pathetic) and Flagg’s not inspirational enough to actually draw anyone to him.  Who would follow this Flagg?  Maybe Trashcan Man and Lloyd, but that’s it.  That Las Vegas is full of Flagg followers is thanks to the script writers putting them there; because there’s nothing the Flagg character that would make us think anyone would be drawn that direction.

Whoopie Goldberg as Mother Abigail doesn’t work.  Her acting is bad; it’s just Whoopie reciting lines.  Her wig is terrible.  Her makeup is. . . did they put makeup on her?  She doesn’t look over 60.  It’s like they weren’t even trying.  Someone threw a wig on Whoopie, she jumped in the bed and read her lines off a teleprompter and kindly collected her billion-dollar paycheck.  She doesn’t seem old, weak or authentic. 

Whoopie Goldberg is deserving of the title “Mother A”… because this is not Mother Abigail.  I know they want to reinvent everything, but they should try to do better, not dumb it down.  That’s what we’re getting with the Stand, a dumbed down version.  Not a dumbed down version of the novel, a dumbed down version of the original miniseries.  Ruby Dee nailed the role in 1994.  Whoopie Goldberg had big shoes to fill, and she didn’t even try.

It is nice to finally be free from Herold.  The role was well played, but the show was becoming the Herold Show.  They were so busy developing this character that it took 5 episodes for Larry to get enough screen time to become likeable.

I really like Larry’s attempt to give Herold some dignity in death.  Track with me… I’ve been teaching through the life of King David.  When Saul and Jonathan died, even though Saul had made himself David’s chief enemy, David went and rescued his dead body so that he would be buried with dignity. (2 Samuel 21)  I’m sure the writers didn’t have king David in mind when they did this, but it’s very much reminiscent of that Biblical scene.

All in all, this is series is reduced to a letter from CBS and the Stephen King inner circle, “Dear fans, we hate you.” 

King has said a show and movie can’t ruin a book.  He’s correct, the book is right there, ready to be read it again.  But for now, the story is marred for me.  I started rereading Swan Song last week and fell in love again.  So, thanks for the hate mail, CBS, but don’t get too full of yourselves; there are better looking girls out there.

Shine On Bern

 

The Stand Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back

We all know stories get better when the villains get a turn to play in the sandbox.  Sure, they don’t play nice, and that’s what makes it so much fun.  I don’t know if that’s universally true, but it’s sure true for The Stand

It feels like the introductions are finally over, and now the story itself is finally moving forward.  Herold gets his best scenes, and Dana... wow!  It was nice to finally settle in on a somewhat new character.  What am I talking about, it was just nice to have the story told from beginning to end.

There were enough changes to give the story real tension.  I won’t spoil it yet.

The Dark Man is scary partly because we don’t overdose on him ahead of time.  Up until this episode, he’s only appeared briefly in a few scenes.  Keeping him in the shadows was nice.

Often, the middle of a story is the best because that’s where the bad guys get to reek havoc and raise the temperature.  Just think, why is Empire Strikes Back the greatest Star Wars move ever?  (And it is.)  Because it’s dark, full of tension and there’s something big enough to actually fear.  This episode of The Stand gives us a dose of the Empire Strikes Back.  No, it’s not that good – but it’s the best offering we’ve had so far.

The Stand 2020 Episode 4

 

The Stand, Episode 4: CBS Hates Stephen King

Great, more scenes all chopped up.  It’s like someone ran the script through a blender.  

We start at a community meeting in the Free Zone.  

. . . But then bounce backward (we assume backward) to a committee meeting,  Don't get confused by community and committee, they are two different scenes. 

. . . only to be yo-yo’d back to the community meeting.  For me, this is the first scene where Larry is really likeable; even inspiring.  

. . . Wait, don’t get excited, because about the time this meeting gets interesting, we are sent back to the committee meeting.

. . . and you guessed it: We are back at the community meeting.  Wait, which is the flashback and which is reality?  It’s like a chicken egg question.  Which scene came first?

And all that the INTRO !

The skipping and dipping doesn’t stop there.  The entire show is a time-warp.  Back to the Future had less time travel.  

There is no “now” in the Stand.  What that means is that there’s no real story progression.  Here’s an example: There is a very good scene where Fran and Herold are attacked.  It wasn’t in the book, so it pulls everyone forward in their seat a little – what’s happening?  This is new.  Only, even as they put in what should look like an impossible situation, there’s no tension because we’ve already established it’s a flashback and our two main characters in the scene make it out just fine. How do we know?  Because some idiot told us the end of the story before telling us the story!

There are other strange things here.  One reason for doing the Stand on cable was to actually – do The Stand.  That is, TV couldn’t handle some of the Stephen King content.  However, twice now CBS has flinched.  First by not giving us the Lincoln Tunnel done “right.”  Actually, Mick Garris did great with that scene.  But I still would have liked to see it without television standard imposed.  But the oddities continue.  We all remember exactly what Nadine told Herold he could do to her; only, CBS is afraid to air that, so we just get strange hints.  

The need to change every single character is frustrating as well.  Sweet Tom is reduced to a joke; a bumbling idiot instead of the kindhearted good intentioned character he is in the novel.  The Judge can’t possibly be an old man; so for no reason at all, he becomes and old woman.  Why?  Just because CBS can.  Glenn is supposed to the old man of the story, but instead he’s just another middle aged white guy.  There’s no story reason for any of these changes.  At some point, it’s no longer Stephen King’s story that’s being told; it’s different people all together living in the universe of The Stand.  You almost expect this Tom to run into the Tom from the King novel, because they are two wholly different people.  So same plot, but with new characters.

It’s like that Star Trek (old series) where each person on the enterprise has a duplicate in another universe that’s like them, but just a little different.  With each character you go, “Yeah, that’s them... but something’s wrong.  Something’s off.”  It’s like drinking Coke without the right syrup mix.

If CBS wanted to give viewers a gift, they’d send the Stand back in for another edit.  A redo.  Because actually, I like the scenes a lot.  The characters are insanely good. At almost every turn, they made decisions with the cast that were brilliant.  But it’s all lost in the edit blender.

What someone should do is build a visual timeline we can track all this on, because at some point I'm just going to give up.  CBS teased, and then they kicked fans in the face with garbage.  

CBS The Stand: We're On The Titanic

How many times have we heard this year, "We're all in this together" ?  Well, I'm afraid when it comes to the Stand, we are all having the same frustrating experience.  At some point (think around episode 2) this big beautiful boat hit an iceberg and we're now all on a sinking ship. 

CBS has put a lot of time and effort into offering Stephen King fans a plate of trash.  I was so excited with the first episode, endured the second, and am ready to cancel CBS after the third.  After watching the latest gob of mush, I finally decided to open my eyes and see what others were saying.  Am I the only one who hates this?  What I found was -- I'm not alone.

In fact, after reading article after article expressing similar frustrations, I started looking for someone who enjoyed this.  Some reviews found some entertaining moments, but no one seems blown away.  Even Lilja at struggled to find positive notes in his spoiler free review. (liljas-library.com)  Surprised, I turned to the ever-fan at thetruthinsidethelie.blogspot.com.  Stuff I hate, Bryant and usually find hope in.  But when it comes to this version of the Stand, we all seem to be on the same sinking ship. "Thus far, The Stand has failed utterly to establish that it is the "present" which is the real story."  He notes the timeline is "sloppily connected." (Well said.)

Stephen King has rightly pointed out that no movie can really "ruin" his book, since the book is right there for you to read any time you want.  Which might be what I end up doing.  That, and canceling CBS. 

hollywoodreporter: CBS All Access' new adaptation of The Stand is a car on cinderblocks. It looks great. If you glance under the hood, you can see all of the work that's been done on the engine. But no matter how ready it seems to peel out onto the road, it isn't going anywhere. Very rarely is the Benjamin Cavell-steered adaptation, with Josh Boone directing the pilot, actively bad, but it's very frustrating.

Rotten Tomatoes: Critics Consensus: Despite an A-list ensemble and a smattering of poignant moments, The Stand's extended runtime doesn't make for better storytelling, leaving its expansive cast stranded in a cluttered apocalypse.

rogerebert.com: Most damningly, there’s no sense of the world’s descent into madness, no seeping dread, no unbearable builds of tension; “The Stand” hits you with the glowing eyes of evil and the mystical wisdom of the “magical old black lady” (the show’s description, not mine) early and often, leaving subtlety in the dust.

www.vulture.comWhile there are some genuinely effective attempts to generate suspense, those sequences stand beside some of the wildest and most off-the-mark sections of the series,

indiewire.com: in an article titled, "‘The Stand’ Review: Stephen King’s CBS All Access Adaptation Is a Plague Unto Itself": Even more debilitating is the realization these flashbacks are going to keep happening every time we meet a new character. “The Stand” is famous for having a massive cast, and while jumping ahead in time so we can get past the pandemic is a sound instinct — the show’s viral outbreak is close enough to reality to remind viewers what’s going on outside, but far too extreme to provide meaningful parallels — repeatedly going back in time kills forward momentum. And it doesn’t help that all these flashbacks fail to set up any intriguing “how did they get from here to there” teases.

and: It is also miscast, in nearly every role. “The Stand” isn’t bolstered by a fleet of skilled actors so much as it’s hindered by watching those proven talents struggle to find a credible tone within the series’ cleaned-up TV sheen and dirty allegory for good vs. evil.

CNN notes, 'The Stand' turns Stephen King's epic book into what feels like a very long sit." And Collider headlines their article, "'The Stand' Review: A Sprawling Apocalypse Epic That Trips on Its Own Ambition."

USA Today said, "CBS All Access makes a -- mess out of Stephen King's epic." I think this form the USA Today article nails everyone's frustration: :The most troublesome problem with "Stand" is the decision to jump around in the timeline, starting not at the pandemic that destroys humanity but in the middle of a new society that sprang up after it. Working backward (and then forward, and then backward again), the episodes struggle to clearly explain what happened with "Captain Tripps," a lethal super flu accidentally released from a military facility. Most plot developments and characterizations are implied rather than filmed, making this "Stand" more confusing than anything else."